My mother isn't perfect, and neither am I. Yet, some of her imperfections have shaped me as a woman and a mother. In her openness to acknowledging her flaws, she gave me the freedom to accept and embrace who I am—she gave me the freedom to be imperfect, and she allowed me to make mistakes and to learn from them.
Growing up and becoming an adult, I realized that perfection isn't the goal; it's the journey of growth and understanding that truly matters. In fact, my mother's missteps provided me with the space to define my own path and parenting style.
From Perfect Supermom to Real Woman with Needs and Desires of Her Own
It’s funny to think back about my relationship with my maman. As a kid back in France, I didn’t think about it (obviously). It was natural that she was there for us. Loving and playful, cuddly and nurturing (my childhood was pretty awesome). I viewed my mother through the lens of idealization. She could skate backward, build a dollhouse, and sew clothes for my stuffies. She was strong, she was sweet, respectful, encouraging, and patient. She was here for us, available when we needed her, but able to step back and give us space.
The teenage years are another story. I feel terrible to say there were times I was deeply ashamed of her. I thought she was quirky and weak, not confident enough. I guess I became aware at that time of her insecurity and doubts. It probably reflected in me and I felt uncomfortable watching her shedding the mother’s halo she had worn during my childhood.
However, as I matured, I came to understand that she was more than just a mother – she was a woman with her own dreams, struggles, and complexities. Embracing her as a person, flaws and all, allowed me to reconnect with her and find common ground. It was this acceptance that paved the way for me to embrace adulthood and later motherhood with confidence.
My Mother Isn’t My “Bestie,” and I Am OK with That
While my mother holds a special place in my heart, she isn't my “best friend.” Our relationship is built on respect, understanding, and not-so-clear boundaries (which can sometimes lead to awkward conversations.) We share our joys and challenges, but there are topics we choose not to delve into. This balance of closeness and independence is what makes our bond and allows us to grow both as individuals and as mother and daughter.
Watching her growing old and now being a grandmother, I'm filled with pride and admiration for the woman she is. She raised two strong, independent women – my sister and me – and taught us the values of resilience, compassion, and determination.
Here I am today, grateful for the woman and mother she helped me become. She’s one of the female figures who shaped me as a woman and as a mother. Now, I have a daughter of my own, and I hope to be up to the challenge of passing on the love and wisdom my mom gave to me and infusing the confidence I had such a hard time to build, into her life.
Let’s Celebrate the Nuances of Motherhood, Not Try to Fit It Into a Hallmark Card
This Mother's Day, let's celebrate the complexities of the mother-daughter relationship – a bond forged in love, understanding, and acceptance (when we can). To my mom, thank you for being my home, my rock, and my source of inspiration. Though imperfect, our relationship has been nothing short of extraordinary, shaping me into the woman and mother I am today. As I continue to navigate the joys and challenges of motherhood, I carry your love and wisdom in my heart, forever grateful for your presence in my life. Happy Mother's Day, Liline!
xo,
Melanie